Sunday, November 15, 2009

I am fucking awesome.

Well, I've been on the hormones for two and a half weeks. I don't know which of these things are the cause of my newfound awesomeness: the hormones/spiro or the anti-depressants.(or both?)

Regardless, I've never felt this way in my life. At the one week mark I did not feel any different whatsoever. Now, hopefully I can describe how I'm feeling. It's difficult when you're emotionally stunted, I suppose. Basically, I just feel like I'm the most awesome person ever. It's probably a self-esteem thing. I would never have thought that I liked myself. Two weeks ago, I could have listed off several of my good qualities, but still felt that I "sucked." Now, I can think of some negative qualities, but they don't seem to be that important. Before, I would occasionally feel like I had to pretend to be happy, and now I actually am.

I really hope this lasts; I like it.

I have noticed the libido dwindle down to nothing. Before, I would attempt "preemptive masturbation" to try to (unsuccessfully) curb sexual thoughts, but now I don't need to. This is a desired effect, for now at least.

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What else?
•I've been on a practicum in a high school. That's been going well; I really enjoy it.
•I am seriously thinking of moving for January. I would hopefully be able to get a practicum placement close to where I move, or vice-versa. I don't get quite enough privacy here. For example, I couldn't practice makeup in the bathroom.
•I am really happy to be working toward my future career. I don't come home from a day at school and feel the need to start drinking immediately like I did when I worked five days a week at the grocery store.
•One of my colleagues at university was surprised that I was separated, because I "seem so happy." Even before my recently discovered self-esteem, I didn't let it bother me. Of course I miss her for the most part, but for now at least, I am enjoying the single life. On Tuesday night a few of us from university went to the pub to watch the horrible Canucks game, then went to somebody's house to play Rock Band and drinking games. I couldn't do that kind of stuff while married. It was great to go out and not know where I was going to spend the night and when I'd be home. (I slept on somebody's couch)
•I watched 2012 on Saturday. I do like the disaster genre, but was surprised to find myself tearing up when characters died. I wonder if I can blame that one on the hormones/spiro. Usually I only cry in a drama, such as My Sister's Keeper.

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