Thursday, August 26, 2010

Two feelings

The first one, I forgot to write in my last post. The day or two after the Lady Gaga concert, I realised that I hadn't cried once during the time I spent with my friend. This is surprising to me since normally when I talk about serious things like my family, my wife dumping me, etc I tend to get upset and cry. I figured out that I hadn't cried at all since I had been super happy during that time. I remember having a permanent smile on my face.

While I've posted before about getting more in touch with my emotions, I still have a ways to go. I can't always predict in advance how upset I will get and if I will cry.

The second feeling is that I keep feeling less close to my immediate family. It's most likely related to how I feel they've not been supportive. As an example, my dad just "lent" me three books that he suggested I could read. One's about going from atheism to religion, the next on male sexuality, and the last on male depression. To me this seems like a "fuck you." He claims to not deny that I'm trans, but this seems to. Anyway, this lack of closeness I feel makes me want to spend less time with them. For example, I was in my room surfing the internet and I heard my parents upstairs. I thought, "oh great, now I can't go upstairs to make myself supper until they leave."

1 comment:

Veronica said...

It's not really surprising that you're feeling more distant from your family. They've placed the distance there. As for what your dad did, I would guess that it was not intended as a "fuck you" but rather just part of a continual misunderstanding.