I'm in a generally good and optimistic mood.* I don't think I can nail it down to anything in particular thing, but I have a couple ideas.
- I'm getting excited about school. I do like going to school. I could be a career student if that were feasible. The odd thing about my like of school is that despite completing a bachelor's degree, I never actually learned study habits. This is a bad thing.
- I'm actually getting somewhere with plans for transition. My therapist agrees with me that it would be best to start my professional career as a teacher fully transitioned. The plan is to transition after the practicum. So we're talking April-ish. She's also going to recommend me for hormones. I will start with Spironolactone as per my wishes, and then "see" how that works out.** Obviously it would be best to go full-time with at least some boobage. I am excited about starting hormone treatment. I'm really curious as to the effect of eliminating testosterone on my body and mind will be. This will be the first time in my life that I've ever had a continuing drug prescription for anything.
*Don't worry, I won't started updating my blog every day with mood updates.
**I feel guilty about this. She asked me, keeping eye contact, what I thought about starting estrogen and spiro at the same time versus starting spiro first. I said that I'd prefer trying spiro first. She said that she'd been trying to "read" my eyes. Unfortunately, I'm hard to read. (I don't make it easy for her. :( ) I don't express emotions easily.(I think it's something that I've taught myself for whatever reason) Hopefully, I'll be able to change that.
I'm getting psyched about starting a female wardrobe. That's something that I've got to do quite soon. Can't go out en femme without clothes, now, can I? I don't really like shopping, but hopefully this will be different.
Thinking about going part-time raises a question though. Going out for a couple hours is one thing if I bring a change of femme clothes with me. But in a few months, I suspect I'll want to spend more time at home dressed en femme. Is my sister going to have a problem with that? I'm living as her tenant, pretty much. This is why part of me thinks it would be more convenient to live closer to Vancouver: I could more easily "go out" as a "sometimes passer". There certainly aren't any groups for CD's or TG's out here.
I'm going to the PNE with my ex tomorrow. This'll be the first thing we've done together since separation other than having coffee twice. I'm hoping it won't be too weird to be there with her. After all, the last time I was there was with her, perhaps three years ago. I really hope we can continue to be some kind of friends. I'm not expecting it, but it would be even better if she'd help me shop for femme clothes!! (yeah, probably not gonna happen.)
Voice is something that worries me about transition, even going part-time. There are indeed some amazing videos on youtube. But I'm worried that I just can't. I haven't tried yet. I know it's more than just pitch. My ex has a male friend who has a high pitched voice, yet you'd never mistake it for a female voice. Still, when I met Véronique a few weeks ago, her voice was not at all male. I doubt she gets gendered male on the phone very often.
I think I should buy a wig. (I wish I hadn't cut my hair two months ago :( ) My new brother-in-law had a couple friends over a few weeks ago. One of them obviously had alopecia, with a fair amount of hair loss on the top of her head. At the wedding, she said hi to me as I walked by. I didn't recognise her right away because she was wearing a wig and fake eyelashes. They just made her look like someone else.
All for now!