Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I'm so glad Christmas is over

I haven't liked (or looked forward to) Christmas for the past few years. I particularily hate the dinner. I've actually done two in one day before! I don't really like Christmas dinner type foods, which makes it easy to not over-indulge. I think it's silly to have exactly the same thing each year, cooked in exactly the same way, "just because." I had a customer who exclaimed, "but it's not Christmas without cocktail onions."

I also dislike the "act" of the Christmas dinner. Normally, I'm a patient person. But these seem to drag on. And the anticipation of starting it is really annoying. You just sit there and make small talk and be useless. (I did bring the tapioca I was requested to make) Then all the food's ready. But wait! Let's take a picture! Oh, nobody knows how to work the timer on the fancy SLR. Let's just sit around and let the food get cold. Then when you're done eating after fifteen minutes, (since I don't eat lots at these things) everybody still has a plenty of food on their plates and is having seconds.

Company and table talk is another thing I dislike. This year my parents invited my grandfather's second wife. (he died in August, so this is my step grandma.) They also, as usual, invite this "family friend" of theirs whom they've known for twenty years. This guy is really annoying. He's on welfare/disability and spends all his time doing research on the intarwebs. I got really upset when he asked, "Where's H____? She wasn't at the Thanksgiving dinner either." I said nothing, just held up my left hand in front of my face. I almost started crying. I really felt the need to leave and go home, or at least hide myself in the bathroom. It was only through careful breathing and trying to clear my mind that I was able to get through it. The rest of the conversation around the table revolved around who had other Xmas dinners where and with whom, as well as the slight variations in the food. "So and so used an oven bag for the turkey this year."

This dinner happened on Boxing Day. On Christmas Eve, my parents came over for hors d'oeuvres. That was tolerable, although my sister had "set the ambiance" by playing Xmas music. I had just listened to it for eight hours at work. I stayed up until about 3:30 watching Love Actually. I watch that movie every year at Christmas. It always makes me cry. This year I cried more than usual.

Christmas Day, I had waffles in the morning with my sister and brother-in-law. Then my parents called and suggest going for a drive. They like to do this. We went on a 350 km round trip, and were going almost four hours. I've previously wrote about how my family has never really "shared." This is still the case. Number of personal questions asked in four hours: zero. This is annoying. (I'm not about to suddenly start sharing with my parents un-asked.) You'd think they'd have stuff to ask me about. It bothers me that I have not gone to church in years and that they have never asked why. I'm aware of their beliefs. They should be concerned for my soul. (No such thing!) Other than occasionally suggesting that I do something with a youth group, they don't bring it up. The same goes for my gender identity. It just is not discussed. They have not asked or made reference since I told them. I would tell the truth if they asked. "Hey, C____ you know that stuff you told us about almost six months ago? How are you coping? What is going on with that?" That would seem like denial, except that's what my family's like, and that's how I grew up. I've been asked exactly once how I'm dealing with the separation. That was back in August, by my mom. We went out for Indian food and when I pulled up to drop her off after, she asked, very "shyly." After the drive I made some simple food and had Christmas day dinner by myself.

Boxing Day, I got up at 3:30 for Boxing Day shopping. I bought a TV and a Blu-ray player, and have bought the rest of a home theatre set-up over the last few days. Watching movies and TV on DVD is very enjoyable for me. I had a nap, then went the the "Christmas" dinner at my parents'.

Sorry for going on and on as usual. But I am glad it's all over.

No comments: