Feeling overwhelmed

There's just too much to deal with right about now:

-GID
-being recently separated
-getting into school
-considering moving somewhere else

Damn. Plus, I'm trying to sell this second vehicle that I bought three months ago. I paid too much because I really wanted that specific year and engine. It's been on Craigslist for a day and a half for $800 less than I paid for it. I haven't had one bite yet.

And with each of those four things I listed comes further implications. With GID comes the need for therapy, deep thought, thinking about transition, etc. Being separated makes me sad and lonely. Getting into school means I have to worry about money and students loans. Moving somewhere (Somewhere in Metro Vancouver) means I have to look for a place, choose one, physically move, probably take my car off the road, and try to transfer to a different store.

The only one of those things that doesn't require me to do anything is being separated. Sure, I'm lonely, but I sure as hell don't need to be in a romantic relationship; not only does that take lots of time(I will be very busy during my program), but I think it would cause additional stress and confusion with regards to my gender identity. Haha, I can just imagine having sex with someone: "why are your armpits shaved?" "ummm...."

Any one of those issues would be a lot to deal with, but unfortunately I don't see any alternative.

List #1

Things I need to find out:

- In British Columbia, do I need to pay for my own therapy? Or will my normal doctor just refer me to a therapist and MSP pays for it all? I could afford it myself, but I need to save up as much as I can for school.

- How long should I wait before coming out to my wife?

- How attached is everybody to the idea of me as a man? I'm certainly the least manly of my friends and nobody thinks the less of me for it?

- If I try out electrolysis, is my face going to look funny and red from it? Or just look mildly irritated?

- Do real men (TM), love their penises? I've never felt affinity for mine, aside from when it provided sexual release.

That's the list for now.

Misc: Over the past year or so, I've become resentful of my libido. There was an episode of House in which a young man tries to get Dr. House to prescribe Depo-Provera to kill his sex drive because he was attracted to his step-mom. When I watched it, I felt like I wanted that too. The airdate was March 7, 2006, so perhaps these feelings have been growing subconsciously for some time. It's hard to tell. Maybe I just recently became aware of them.

Masturbation has felt like a chore for years. That is, it feels like it is just necessary to temporarily get rid off my sex drive. I don't take longer than what is necessary, just until "release" is attained.

Actual sex is infrequent. My wife's desire for it has diminished over the past 18 months. In some ways it is disappointing, but in other ways it is fortunate. I've never felt like a good lover who can satisfy her. (Sorry, TMI, but it's my blog) So, I have to be sure that my newfound desire to be a woman is not because sometimes I feel like an "homme raté." (failed man) That would be a poor reason to take any irreversible action if it were the sole one.