Friday, January 4, 2008

List #1

Things I need to find out:

- In British Columbia, do I need to pay for my own therapy? Or will my normal doctor just refer me to a therapist and MSP pays for it all? I could afford it myself, but I need to save up as much as I can for school.

- How long should I wait before coming out to my wife?

- How attached is everybody to the idea of me as a man? I'm certainly the least manly of my friends and nobody thinks the less of me for it?

- If I try out electrolysis, is my face going to look funny and red from it? Or just look mildly irritated?

- Do real men (TM), love their penises? I've never felt affinity for mine, aside from when it provided sexual release.

That's the list for now.

Misc: Over the past year or so, I've become resentful of my libido. There was an episode of House in which a young man tries to get Dr. House to prescribe Depo-Provera to kill his sex drive because he was attracted to his step-mom. When I watched it, I felt like I wanted that too. The airdate was March 7, 2006, so perhaps these feelings have been growing subconsciously for some time. It's hard to tell. Maybe I just recently became aware of them.

Masturbation has felt like a chore for years. That is, it feels like it is just necessary to temporarily get rid off my sex drive. I don't take longer than what is necessary, just until "release" is attained.

Actual sex is infrequent. My wife's desire for it has diminished over the past 18 months. In some ways it is disappointing, but in other ways it is fortunate. I've never felt like a good lover who can satisfy her. (Sorry, TMI, but it's my blog) So, I have to be sure that my newfound desire to be a woman is not because sometimes I feel like an "homme raté." (failed man) That would be a poor reason to take any irreversible action if it were the sole one.

1 comment:

Ariel said...

If you can get a referral to a psychiatrist, who is a medical doctor, then I think MSP will pay for it, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be easy to do. Most of us see registered psychologists or registered clinical counsellors, and those aren't covered by MSP. If you can deal with the very long waiting list, Family Services of Greater Vancouver offers counselling for transgender people (or questioning) on a sliding scale.

I don't think it's a requirement to love your penis. :) I feel about the same way about mine as you do -- useful, but nothing I'm enamoured of. And it gets in the way!